Don't let them win

Often, we feel anger or hurt over something someone did to us. This could have been during our childhood, or it could be more recent in a close relationship, or at work.  These memories can be the main causes of our anger, depression, or anxiety.  They can result in our changing our lives in ways that continue to hurt us and our new relationships.  They can be obstacles to new, wonderful opportunities.  So, the question is, "Why let them?" 

I am not saying it is simple to move on, but it is a must that we do so if we are to enjoy our lives, enjoy new love, sleep well, work productively, and unload the anxiety, anger, and depression we carry.  So, here is a thought.  If these people hurt you, do you really want them to have that continued power over you?  I hope your answer is a resounding and emphatic "No!" and that means you have to set aside what they did and move forward.  This does not mean you have to forgive them, and it does not mean you have to forget them or what they did.  But it does say, that you need to tell yourself that "I will not be consumed by what they did to me." "I will not let them reach across time and negatively define me."

If you feel a need to continue to think about what they did, schedule a couple hours each week to go over it, and perhaps journal your thoughts.  But, keep that time for this review and tell yourself that your other hours of the week are for you, your enjoyment, your loves, your passions, your friends, your hobbies, your work.....your life.

As in all my posts, these are not substitutes for psychotherapy. And I encourage you to seek the help of your family physician or a mental health professional, if your anxiety, depression, or anger are getting in your way or causing you significant hurt.  The above exercise is an essential tool from Cognitive, Behavioral, Therapy (CBT) and one your psychologist, psychiatrist, or social worker might use.  It is an exercise I often use for my patients, and quite honestly for myself.